Last post

I considered continuing to blog about my new job, either under a pseudonym (this one or a new one) or under my real name, kind of as a "what it's like to have this kind of job" blog. But after an introductory week in my new position, I am realizing that blogging about it would not be a good idea. The Center is brand-new, but it intends to become very high profile, and is already a target of some prominent groups with political influence. I'm not very good at keeping my mouth shut, as many of you who have figured out my identity are already aware. I can't even tell you what kind of Center this is, or where they get their funding, because there are so few of them and you could probably figure it out. And that's too bad, because it's pretty awesome!

The time has come to shut down this blog. I already started down that road - I don't know if anyone noticed, but over 600 posts have been deleted in the last few months. I am going to leave the blog itself up, but only with a kind of "greatest hits" set of posts.

If you are someone who I've gotten to know pseudonymously, and you would like to get to know me under my real name, please send me an email (drbrazenhussy at gmail).

I have very much enjoyed blogging as Dr. Brazen Hussy, and this blog has played a pretty important role in my life. I've gotten to know many of you in real life - some of my closest friends are people I have met through blogging. Writing here, getting feedback, and reading other people's blogs has been hugely important in helping me navigate the last five years of my career. I will still be around, reading and occasionally commenting, but I won't maintain a blog of my own any more.

So, goodbye, and thank you!

Love,
Dr. Brazen Hussy

A breakup letter

Dear Tenure-Track Job Search,

You and I have been together a long time. We've had our good times... but mostly bad times. You always promise me that it will be different this time, that it will all work out and we will live happily ever after. But then you turn around and disappoint me yet again.

Well, I am done with you. I have just been offered an amazing job, one that I think is far better than anything you could have gotten me. I'll be directing a huge new research center at a big R1 university. I will be respected, and paid well, and will have a beautiful office. I'll get to do my own research. I will work with famous, influential scientists who apparently think I am awesome. I won't have to deal with any undergraduate students... probably ever.

In a few years' time, I may look you up again. Maybe things will be different next time. But for now, this is goodbye.

Love and greener pastures,
Dr. Brazen Hussy

Hey, I just realized...

... that today is the 5 year anniversary of the day I started this blog.

Happy blogiversary to me!

Job search 2009-2010: A summary

Tenure-track job applications: 49
(in how many states: 18)
(in how many countries: 4)
Types of biologist I have claimed to be: Evolutionary Biologist, Animal Behaviorist, Ecologist, Animal Ecologist, Vertebrate Biologist, Organismal Biologist, Geneticist, Environmental Scientist, Integrative Biologist, Molecular Ecologist, Functional Genomicist, Population Geneticist, Conservation Biologist, Zoologist, Field Biologist
Search committees that never bothered to acknowledge my application or send a rejection letter: only 8 (not bad)
Phone interviews: 5
Campus interviews: 4
Positions interviewed for: Evolutionary Biologist, Ecologist, Molecular Ecologist, Animal Biologist
Search committees who told me I didn't get the job in a timely, polite fashion (at places I had interviewed): 1
Search committees who apparently weren't going to tell me the job was filled already, but responded rather impolitely to my email inquiries (at places I had interviewed): 2
Job offers: 1
Job offers accepted: 0

Out of limbo, back to where I started

Well, it's official. I'm sticking around here for awhile longer. That's not a bad thing. But I can't bear the thought of going through this process all over again next year.

Details and stories later, when I'm up to it.

Still in Limbo

I was hoping to know definitively whether or not I got a job this round by now, but I do not. Sigh.

But not everything sucks.  Here is a list of good things, partly just to remind myself that not everything sucks:

• My promotion to "Research Scientist" has been officially approved. Even if I don't get a tenure-track job, I am no longer a postdoc.
• I finally finished a paper that has been plaguing me for YEARS. I have grown to loathe this paper. I sent it to my co-authors on Friday. WOO HOO!
• My big 'Omics project is really and truly underway.
• A behavior study that I have been planning for quite awhile is getting underway.
• My work was featured on some science websites recently, as was a little interview with me about being a scientist.
• I am planning a short trip to the field in the western half of the country sometime next month, which should be fun.

I have decided to behave as if I am not getting a job this time around, and am moving on with things. I am trying to re-focus my brain. It's great to have that paper out of the way (although it won't truly be out of the way until it is is submitted) so now I can turn my attention to things like resubmitting my NSF proposal, and writing new and even more exciting papers. I have two papers that have already been published in 2010, and I am aiming to have two more submitted by the end of the year, as well as this grant that I really believe can get funded this time around. Might as well take advantage of the fact that I am here for another year, right?

Back from the best vacation EVER

I'm back! I don't know what I will do without a steady supply of decent baguettes, tapas bars, siestas, fresh oysters, good vermouth, sherry, and/or Iberico ham, but I am back. Eventually I will get my shit together and put up a nice post with lots of pictures telling you about my wonderful trip.

No news yet on the job front, I'm afraid.

An excellent distraction

Interview #3 was fantastic. I loved the place - which, to be honest, was a bit of a surprise. Silence so far from Interview #2, which is killing me. But no matter.

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO EUROPE, BITCHES! The long awaited 2.5-week Spain and France extravaganza has finally arrived. We leave today. Woo hoo!!

But if you think I'm leaving the Blackberry at home, you're crazy.

It goes to show you never can tell

Oh dear. I seem to have completely turned my back on my earlier claims and bought myself a fancy, top-of-the-line Blackberry. Oops.

In other news, I had my phone interview with University #5. I thought it went spectacularly badly and thought of it no more. Then they invited me for a campus interview. Huh. That's exciting.

Am still waiting, waiting, waiting, to hear back about my most recent interview. And I am getting ready for next week's interview.

The suspense is killing me. At least now I'll be confident that I won't miss the call/email, right??

I don't even recognize my life anymore

It seems like just yesterday that my daily life consisted of a little pipetting, a lot of looking at pictures of cats on the internet, and a dash of getting drunk at lunchtime.

Now? Here's my to-do list:
1. Correct proofs of my latest in-press article - the one that is already in the process of making me famous
2. Write press release about the article
3. Prepare mock lecture for campus interview #3
4. Judge posters at undergraduate research conference
5. Prepare for phone interview with university #5 (yes, another one has jumped into the fray)
6. Write poster for next month's Specialized Conference
7. Finally finish writing Paper That Won't Die (yes, it's really getting there)
8. Analyze two datasets for two more Awesome Papers that need to be submitted soon (before I leave Postdoc U)
9. Give talk next week to 'Omics people
10. Continue answering questions about why I turned down job offer from Interview #1

Yes, you read that last one right.

I used to have trouble falling asleep at night, worrying and anxious. Now? I fall asleep immediately due to sheer exhaustion. I used to worry about getting acknowledged as a Real Scientist. Now, I'm fending off offers and juggling my schedule so I can present data at various places, and answering emails from people looking for advice. I do not know when the switch occurred, or how, but it did. Am I happy about it?

Oh HELL yes.

Just being myself

Next interview includes a hike... I pulled out my favorite field pants to pack them and found a hole in the seam on the butt. While that would undoubtedly make a fabulous impression, I went ahead and sewed up the hole.

Positive developments in the job search, but they are unbloggable for now. Hopefully in a few weeks this will all be over with a very happy ending.

Requited

University #4 likes me back - I've been invited for an interview!

Whew, being a superstar is going to be exhausting...

Quick update

Phone interview #3 has led to an invitation for campus interview #2!! Phone interview #4 went really well, fingers crossed for a campus interview there too.

digital generation my ASS

What is UP with undergrads who don't check their email every day?? Seriously?

Job interview updates

The phone interview with university #3 went pretty well, I think. It will be about a week or so before I find out if I get a campus interview. The day after the interview, someone from that university was looking at my pictures on my research website, so I will take that as evidence that I didn't suck.

And then university #4 emailed me and asked for a phone interview too! I'm very excited about #4 for many reasons - I think I'm a perfect fit for this one. I hope they agree.

Campus interview with #2 in just a few days... need to polish my shoes and practice my talk a few more times.

Hi there. I'm on my way, I'm making it...

Things have been going pretty well lately. I want to feel good about things, but I am still wary.

• I have another phone interview tomorrow (that's 3 now). 
• I have a campus interview next week. 
• Last week, a paper that I submitted in November was accepted by a good journal. 
• My NSF grant was declined, but with very good reviews and straightforward revisions, so I'm feeling very confident about the upcoming resubmission.
• I finished the experimental portion of a current research project a few weeks ago and everything went great.

But. I keep waiting for SOMETHING to go wrong... I'm sure I won't have to wait long.

The End is Near

I have been blogging less and less lately, and the blog is becoming a source of stress rather than fun. My pseudonymity is hanging by a thin thread, as blog readers put 2 and 2 together and find out who I am, and people I know in real life put 1 and 3 together and find the blog. I'd love to blog about my job search, but after last year's outcry of OMG UR DOIN IT RONG, plus the aforementioned pseudonymity problem, I'm just not comfortable doing that now.

I was going to wait until I got a tenure-track job. Or until my blog's 5-year anniversary this June, whichever came first. Either way, I had planned to shut this thing down soon.

I'm not going to do it just yet. I'll stick around and let you know how the job search turns out this year. I'll also talk a little bit about my super-secret research & writing blog and see if any of you are interested in forming a super-secret writing support group with me. I'll still be reading and occasionally commenting on your blogs. But this blog isn't going to be around much longer.

Breaking news: 2010 not sucking yet

I have a job interview!

And do you feel scared? I do, but I won't stop and falter

My theme song for 2010.

Howard Jones - Things Can Only Get Better
by jpdc11

Happy 2010!

Imperfect

There's a questionnaire in the back of Boice's book, designed to help you figure out which kind of problem writer you are. He keeps referring to these types of problems throughout the book, which I found frustrating because I couldn't possibly imagine which kind of problem writer I was. Procrastinator, probably. Impatient, sure. Certainly not Perfectionist - he described a perfectionist as one who could not stop editing a paper and just submit it. That's not me at all, I thought - I submit crap all the time.

Last night I decided to sit down and take the damn quiz. There are seven areas of dysfunction: Work apprehension, Procrastination, Writing apprehension, Dysphoria, Impatience, Perfectionism, and Rules. I calculated my scores and compared them to the reported averages in the book. Turns out I am pretty average for the first four. I scored high for Impatience, no surprise. But the highest score I had by far, which was MUCH higher than the average score, was Perfectionism.

Really? No. Are you sure? Because that's not me. At all.

Then I took this online Perfectionism test on Psychology Today. My score? 82 out of 100.

According to this test, you are bound by the cuffs of perfectionism. You set standards that can never be met. Most likely, this tendency is making you suffer. And needlessly. It is time that you tuned into your perfectionist side and diluted it. While a desire to do well, to do your best work, and to explore your full potential can give you a sense of satisfaction and personal fulfillment, you have to learn when it is 'good enough'.

"Bound by the cuffs of perfectionism"?? Harsh.